Bitter/Sweet

I hardly know how to put this to words. My heart is just full. Yesterday morning Zach's Grandma passed away. We called her Bam or Bammy Roo, her name is Nel. She is just wonderful! I am glad I have pictures of her with my kids and memories that I can share with them, so they and their kids will know her too.
Ya know, it is hard when someone dies. At first I thought, she is with Daddy Pa now and that makes me really happy for her and him. She missed him so much! Then I started thinking about the last time I saw her. It was Christmas day I think....two whole months ago! She lived in Harrisville about 20 minutes from me! I started to feel badly about all the visits I meant to make, cards I meant to write and meals I meant to take, that never happened. I was talking to my mom about it and decided it doesn't do a whole lot of good to think of regrets and let them eat at you. I decided that thinking of those things is okay as long as I allow them to motivate me to be better, for her. Even if I can't visit her, I can visit my Grandma or widows in my ward, I can do better at doing things I want to do for others, etc.
I got to thinking about the kind of life she lived, the person that she was. Seriously, you guys, she was awesome! She would have a Halloween parade every year at her house while she lived here. When she lived in Idaho she would invite the families of the sisters she visit taught to a dinner for Halloween. (She loved that holiday!) She was a fabulous visiting teacher!
There are specific things I can remember that she said to me that are honestly so special! I can see her face when I think of her words! "Isn't having a winter romance so much fun!" She said that to me when Zach and I were dating because we started dating at the end of November. She said to me several times; "I think I fell in love with you before Zach did!". She told me once "ya know, if I want to give someone roses, I just do it, how else will they know I wanted to unless I do it. And besides you never know what will happen and you might not get the chance!" What a good example she was! :) I just love her dearly, she will be greatly missed!
I was thinking yesterday about her funeral and what she would want at it. I decided that what she would want to know is that what she tried to do on earth was important to someone, ya know helped someone in some way. I think she would want to know that what she did on earth was build bridges for those she loved that will help them and those that come after. I think she did just that! She was most definitely a Bridge Builder!
The time I spent with her, I will cherish as a wonderful memory! There might be things I regret not doing but there are things we did and time we spent that mean a lot to me, especially now. She is a special person who filled a great void in my life as my Grandma Moyes was a wonderful friend who I lost a few years before knowing Bam. I was so excited to join Zach's family and love and be loved by his Grandma. She reminded me so much of mine! How blessed I am to have known her! Well, this was long but thanks for reading! I love you Bam!















(above)Bam & Ben on Halloween. Isn't she the cutest Witch with my Little Stinker! (skunk)
(below) Bam & Sarah on Sarah's blessing day. Isn't Bam lovely! I love these pictures of her!