Lily Rebecca

After 31 hours of labor, Tuesday August 16th, 2011 Lily Rebecca was born. She was 9 inches and weighed 9.9 ounces. She was a tiny little thing! We loved her little hands and feet!The hospital was very good to us. They had a group called SHARE come and dress Lily and take these beautiful pictures of her. They sent us home with a scrapbook page with her hand and foot prints -which I need to take a picture of and post. They are so sweet. They sent us home with every memento possible. Which I REALLY appreciate.
They let us have as much time with her as we wanted. This time alone with her was really good for me. Zach even left me alone for a bit with just me and her. I needed that.
Deuteronomy 32:4 "He is the Rock, His work is perfect" God does not make mistakes. She needed a body. She needed to come here only for a short time and she CHANGED my life! Heavenly Father is so loving and merciful to give us all the opportunity to have influence-no matter how long or short we live. I will never be the same. I don't want to be the same.
These times are sweet and these times are hard. There seems to be so much going through my mind and heart at one time that I don't really know what to do. It is my prayer that I will have the faith to rely on a Loving Heavenly Father and learn what He would have me learn. I really do pray that I can do this. It is hard when you miss someone so much.

Becca

a little Angel in Heaven

Starting to type this is not easy. I don't know what to say. It just stinks that I just posted the happy news too.

Here goes...

I had a check up with my midwife on Wednesday -one day shy of 21 weeks, and we couldn't find a heart beat. We had an ultrasound the next day and we confirmed that our sweet baby had passed away. She had a growth on the back of her neck called a cystic hygroma. The doctor is pretty sure she had Turner's syndrome. She'll do some tests on the placenta and then we'll know for sure.

I will deliver her tomorrow.

We were so excited for this baby. This is a shock to say the least. We are glad for the time we've had to celebrate the addition to our family and to be excited for her arrival. It hurts our hearts to think of waiting so long to know her. 10 months has always seemed so long to meet a baby but a lifetime is definitely longer.

It has broken our hearts. All the emotions are more than I am used to. I'm not sure how to handle it or how to help Zach and the kids.

It has just been hard.

We have had so much support from family and friends and it means more than I ever knew it could.

My house probably smells the best it ever has because of all the flowers. :)

I'm writing this as much for me as it is for you. There are too many people who care about us to call them all. Plus, I don't really feel much like talking. :) It is weird to go from angry to sad, to feeling such love in such short periods of time.

I do know the Lord has a plan for me and for our little girl. I feel blessed to have a little Angel in Heaven watching over us. I hope she knows how I long for her and ache to hold her and know her. I hope she knows. Eternity is real and I'm grateful for Jesus Christ who understands what I'm going through and who has made it possible for me and my family to progress together in this life and in the next. So grateful. Oh to live to be worthy of such blessings.

These pictures were taken by Ben at 17 weeks I think. -don't mind the dirty shorts. :) I didn't post these before but I still wanted to. Thanks for reading and for caring.